Intimacy

I saw that many bloggers not only used words but plenty of images to express themselves, I love artwork and photography and found some remarkable pieces. I figured this trend I could join, beginning with - intimacy - as it was the topic that ended my last, lenghty entry && still on my mind, I want to display images that coincided with that. Who knows, maybe il dust off the sketch pad and try to put something together, I can honestly say blogger is quite inspiring. A true release that is motivating me to challenge my intrinsic & creative abilities.

Getting Through

Okay so it's been quite a minute since that very first entry and ive had some time to settle in. Ive only had the pleasure of looking over a couple other blogger pages, and became interested and a follower of one. Astounded at the amount of candidly open many of the blogs are; called me old fashion but the world wide web still derives images of creepy old men trying to stalk you. Seeing people put photos of themselves, friends, family, even thier young children and so much of thier information seems naive but who knows, this may simply be where technology has taken us. Entries from now I too might find myself entering all the hype, splashing intimate photos of myself and others all over. Still in order for me to keep the gritty honesty to my works I feel a certain of mystery as to my identity will be necessary. Although thus far (if Im working this thing right) hasn’t caught the interest of any readers just yet, still I remain hopeful.
Reading over my last entry just before starting this one and it made cringe, finding many grammatical and spelling hiccups. However I am not perfect and normally I never go without editing and revising my works over and over and over again. This writing on the other hand I am working something different and I don’t think I will go back over my work as a tool in keeping my mind flowing and my ideas and writing raw. So apologize now if things ever get way to confusing or completely out of wack. This is my official outlet, a faucet from my inner self.
If you understood what was going on from before or are starting to read here I have been officially separated, leaving me feeling half. As my son remains back home and I have traveled back down south to continue school. Still young with a lot left ahead of me I am working tirelessly to graduate on time with honors even though Ive just given birth. My son means the absolutely world to me and since my recent trip back home to visit I have now been away from him for a little less then 3 days. I am adjusting if that’s the only word I can find to describe it but this transition is never easy and is getting harder every time we are forced to disconnect. The first two days were treacherous and reason for the first time, nothing could change my down mood and depressed attitudes. I wanted to write to you blogger, but I couldn’t even muster up that strength. I was alone, I simply attended classes and went back to my apartment, I didn’t chit chat on campus or on the phone. I wanted space from everyone and needed nothing but my little boy who was completely out of reach. Last night however things changed slightly as the spring break officially ended and classes resuming, my boyfriend who is also the father of my child returned back for school as well. He had visited his home, three hours off in time zone difference on the opposite coast. A trip he too desperately needed to make, being two years prior to us ever becoming involved he had already by that time had a son of two years old. – That drama is for another day, another blog, and for the most part working itself out. Still his arrival made things much better, as I wasn’t as lonely and with one person away from all that I truly do love. One person that stands by me through everything, and the one person able to pick my spirits up. Since then we’ve been able to a rock for one another. For him, he’s going through my problems times ten and I feel for him. Searching for the right words all the time but I have nothing. In the same boat as he I can’t even offer the ever cliché “everything will be fine” phrase because its not even something I can tell myself. I can barely pull myself away from our infant son more or less understand the pains he feels leaving his hysterical toddler who has become aware of everything; and all too smart for his age. Still a day later and I think we are able to pull eachother back into the swing of things, be the one person who we both need to motivate us to push through our academia so that we may achieve what is best for ourselves and familiy. I don’t know how that all will sink in for the reader, but I hope your staying with me.  Today was better, after classes we returned to the apartment and christened it as we hadn’t for so long, especially since being apart. Made it a romantic love nest, pleasing our problems away. We are so close to one another, keeping up in intensity and sensuality; keeping me constantly addicted. I love, loving him, and I couldn’t even imagine loving any one else. Everything hasn’t been perfect and we have had our problems but we are in a good place now, weathering the storm together. Even though I am young, I have had to make serious decisions for myself over and over and I know that I am truly in love and apart of a very special relationship. Being with him makes me feel bad for others who think they have made it to that peak and our bliss makes me wonder if how many others really get to be so mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually connected to their partner. I am grateful of him and constantly adoring him; smiling to myself now that he dreams peacefully, a silly smirk on his face that he has been satisfied. While I type to you with only the glow from the window, I can only anticipate the encounters we will have later tonight. Funny, I was able to so vividly, I think, express our sexuality without ever using the actual word. Well this has been enjoyable again but I really want to take time in sprucing up my page, creating a greater allure and searching though blogger for other writers both alike and dislike myself. Till next time….

Sincerely -elle

My Very First Time

This is exciting and very odd all in the same token. A breath of fresh air for a lover of literature yet difficult to compose on the ultra high tech iPhone when in fact I much rather the old fashion pen to paper. Still with stress overwhelming I find myself turning to whatever form of writing that I can to release, a practice of mine for as long as I can remember. Now more than ever I am in great need of my gone habit and overjoyed to be trying something new with it. As it stands I am weary of putting to much of my personl information on the web, regardless of the general view I have my concerns. However remaining anonymous I can freely divulge my true feelings and honest opinions.

What I am willing to give are small portions of my necessary background information. I am a twenty year old female with living seperated parents. I have one older brother and one older sister. Three months, 8 days, and 22 hours ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He is whole I will probably have to say is the greatest motivation for creating this blog. I am currently enrolled on my junior year of college as an elementary education major with a serious passion for children and education. However it is important to note now that I am a full time student attending college several states away along the east coast, about 12 hrs by car from home. This much is difficult to say the least. For right now I think I have told quite a bit about myself and expect as my comfort level increases and my stream of consciousness begins, I will more than likely reveal myself more and more in my pieces. I would love for steady followers and feedback as well this is my first experience with blogging and the idea of actully openly sharing my inner most self with others is remarkable.


I have been with my son for about a week and half, amazed at his growth since we've been apart along with his cognitive developments and physical milestones! He smiles attempts to make responses, holds eye contacts, has bettered his hand coordination, it is all unbelieveable! When for me it still seems as though only yesterday I was in labor, anxious for his arrival. Within just the first few months I fear that he has already begin to "grow up to fast!" I can't slow him down and with each new day I want to go back again and relieve it all from the beginning, I cannot and continously the bad times begin.
Remaining in college with the great support of my family means that this is only a visit and soon I must force myself against my maternal instincts toward what I "know" to be an overall greater means to an ends so to speak. In three hours I will be boarding a plane at La Guardia airport and back to the "college life." Leaving behind the most important part of who I am; my son. Right now, because of it I cannot sleep and cannot pack. I can barely take this seperation anymore and want nothing more but another yesterday. My better judgement tells me to be strong; knowing he's in good hands. Still i can't help fearing the worst of scenarios that could occur in my absence on top of the mounding painful emotions I feel when we are apart.

Even though I haven't had to write much, a small weight is lifted, my eyes finally closing and my fingers tiring themselves typing on a keyboard that actully isn't tangible. My body even feels physical pain, knowing full and well what is to become of the situation drawing near, yet the medicine of writing has had the power to alleviate the hurt just enough so that I will have the ability to rest. For this I m grateful Nd will take full advantage of. So much more has to written and I am excited for my entries to come and readers to enjoy. Till next time...


Sincerly- elle