My Very First Time

This is exciting and very odd all in the same token. A breath of fresh air for a lover of literature yet difficult to compose on the ultra high tech iPhone when in fact I much rather the old fashion pen to paper. Still with stress overwhelming I find myself turning to whatever form of writing that I can to release, a practice of mine for as long as I can remember. Now more than ever I am in great need of my gone habit and overjoyed to be trying something new with it. As it stands I am weary of putting to much of my personl information on the web, regardless of the general view I have my concerns. However remaining anonymous I can freely divulge my true feelings and honest opinions.

What I am willing to give are small portions of my necessary background information. I am a twenty year old female with living seperated parents. I have one older brother and one older sister. Three months, 8 days, and 22 hours ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He is whole I will probably have to say is the greatest motivation for creating this blog. I am currently enrolled on my junior year of college as an elementary education major with a serious passion for children and education. However it is important to note now that I am a full time student attending college several states away along the east coast, about 12 hrs by car from home. This much is difficult to say the least. For right now I think I have told quite a bit about myself and expect as my comfort level increases and my stream of consciousness begins, I will more than likely reveal myself more and more in my pieces. I would love for steady followers and feedback as well this is my first experience with blogging and the idea of actully openly sharing my inner most self with others is remarkable.


I have been with my son for about a week and half, amazed at his growth since we've been apart along with his cognitive developments and physical milestones! He smiles attempts to make responses, holds eye contacts, has bettered his hand coordination, it is all unbelieveable! When for me it still seems as though only yesterday I was in labor, anxious for his arrival. Within just the first few months I fear that he has already begin to "grow up to fast!" I can't slow him down and with each new day I want to go back again and relieve it all from the beginning, I cannot and continously the bad times begin.
Remaining in college with the great support of my family means that this is only a visit and soon I must force myself against my maternal instincts toward what I "know" to be an overall greater means to an ends so to speak. In three hours I will be boarding a plane at La Guardia airport and back to the "college life." Leaving behind the most important part of who I am; my son. Right now, because of it I cannot sleep and cannot pack. I can barely take this seperation anymore and want nothing more but another yesterday. My better judgement tells me to be strong; knowing he's in good hands. Still i can't help fearing the worst of scenarios that could occur in my absence on top of the mounding painful emotions I feel when we are apart.

Even though I haven't had to write much, a small weight is lifted, my eyes finally closing and my fingers tiring themselves typing on a keyboard that actully isn't tangible. My body even feels physical pain, knowing full and well what is to become of the situation drawing near, yet the medicine of writing has had the power to alleviate the hurt just enough so that I will have the ability to rest. For this I m grateful Nd will take full advantage of. So much more has to written and I am excited for my entries to come and readers to enjoy. Till next time...


Sincerly- elle